Ghostly

I'm invisible.

My boss has learned a new trick- looking right past me while talking to my assistant designer Chrissy, about new projects.

It's entertaining, in a way.  I stare at him while he is doing it and wonder what he is thinking... does he assume I am okay with it, that I don't care, that I can't see it??  It's funny.

Chrissy hates it.  And she is beginning to hate it here.  I've already "lost" one assistant designer in the past month.  Erin was my right arm.  We told each other everything, and when I was getting the cold shoulder, so was she.  It wasn't a secret that she was looking for another job.  I actually told her that if I do one thing before I go on maternity leave- it will be to make sure she and Chrissy are okay.  Either comfortable and happy here, or working for a better place.

Erin is working for a better place.  I told her to please use me as a reference- but I never got a phone call.  I knew they wouldn't need to call references, this girl is amazing.  I knew it the first time I interviewed her, why wouldn't they?  My boss never did though.  He really never gave her any credit, or praise and it drove me nuts.

So now that I'm 'knocked up' and Erin is gone- the only person left to do any work is Chrissy.  He piles the work on her daily, and yells at her almost as often.  She wants out, but I think she knows how difficult that would be for the company since I'm going to be on maternity leave in a few months.  She and I both know that my return is not likely... not that I've come to that conclusion definitely.

A few weeks ago, my boss and I had a heart-to-heart... if you can call it that.  He had just finished a raging, fist banging rant directed towards myself and Chrissy (while Erin sat in the other room, unnoticed) when he kicked Chrissy out of the room and closed the door.  He turned his chair to me and said that I should understand where he is coming from, and that he doesn't think I am coming back to work after I have my baby.  

I started crying.

Not because "I had been caught" but because this conversation was taking place while the news of my baby's cystic fibrosis diagnosis was still fresh.  I told him that I never intended on being a stay-at-home Mother, but that I don't know if this baby will be healthy.  At the time, I didn't know what the diagnosis meant for a baby and I was clueless on what kind of care will be needed.  He said he understood and that I could do whatever I needed afterwards- work from home, work part time, come back in a year...

So I thought we had an understanding.  Work now, figure the rest out later.  He gave me a couple new clients to work on, but then he got distant again.  He hasn't made time for me in regards to these two clients.  I've handed him budgets multiple times, and he tosses it in his pile of papers and says, "tomorrow".  Then in the meantime he learned his new trick.... talk to Chrissy about new jobs, IN FRONT of Pluck.  Then Pluck will feel like she is still involved, even though she's not.  

Oh well... like I said in my last post, my priorities are completely different now.  I can figure out the work thing later.  I might start my own company, I might take Chrissy with me... but until then, I will just plug away at the menial tasks of the day-to-day grind that I'm 'allowed' to work on.

I think I'm okay being invisible.