Five reasons why I'm keeping myself miserable

I’ve got to be honest with myself. This job is crap. I had my hopes set way too high from the beginning and I’ve been in denial for quite some time. My illusion disappeared along with the clientele. When we were busy, I thought how great it was going to be once I got the hang of our invoice and order system. Because, of course the next step would be to fulfill my destiny of, as my business cards reads; (Queue singing angels) design center consultant!

Wrong. I’m sitting here at work, writing a blog on how I’m going to find my career.

It seems that I’m getting frustrated on a daily basis with all the administrative stuff I am expected to do, and how my boss can sometimes treat me as a naïve little girl. I am tired of being on ‘Perry-Time’ (as I call it). I can’t do anything without his approval, and sometimes I can’t do anything at all. “Can I follow up with this designer?” I say. Then responds with something like, “No, I’ll call them next week.” Which never happens, and God forbid I call them, because I’m just ‘the help’ and Perry is the one who knows what’s going on.

Then it’s, “Don’t you think we should set up an appointment with this person ASAP?” and he says, “No. I need to get XY and Z information first, but right now I’m busy staring at my inbox because it confuses me.” Okay he doesn’t actually say that last part. I just stuck in there, because it seriously takes him twenty minutes to write a one sentence email, in which there and their are switched and the word ‘thought’ is spelled incorrectly. But the point is, that if isn’t his idea, then it’s a bad one. His sloth-like responses and “excusable” neglect have lost us a number of jobs… though he would never admit it. Sometimes he keeps me in the dark about things, and it feels intentional. Like, he doesn’t want me to know because he wants to be the only person with this knowledge, the only person to speak to the designer and the only person whose advice and information holds any value.

So why am I still here? Well, I will tell you. First, I have lots of doctor appointments that make me miss a lot of work. It’s easier to miss time here, than it would be at a highly competitive design firm.

Second, the following two sentences are lies: (1) I am an in-house designer at a tile showroom and I have designed kitchens and bathrooms. (2) I know more than your other prospects about tile and stone because I specialize in it. I am still learning. I don’t think I have the knowledge that a firm would expect me to have from working here. I know that the longer I stay here, the more I will learn and the more chances I will have at doing some design work.

Third, I have no idea where I would go. I have heard one place that is hiring, and I am submitting my resume this weekend. Other than that, all I have heard is that it is still scary and slow out there.

Fourth, there is no competition here. I AM the only designer. If someone needs help, they automatically get sent to me. Yay.

Now the fifth and final reason is probably the biggest. I am constantly given glimmers of hope that this will turn into something that I can be proud of. Just two days ago, Perry said to someone, “Pluck is not a secretary.” Now, he didn’t actually say what I was, if not a secretary, but I think I made my ‘title’ pretty clear after the person replied, “Administrative assistant?” (insert spewing fumes and eyeballs of fire).

Idiot.

Perry also said the same day that he was going to start getting me out on jobsites. This is excellent. Even if I am only there just to see how something was installed, or to learn how to measure square footage, it still looks great on a resume. Who doesn’t want to hire a girl that can take your place on a jobsite if needed? It would also provide more face-time with general contractors and designers. They would then know that I have knowledge of the project and that their questions can be directed to me.

Also, the ownership is finally finishing the website. Finally. AND one of the guys working on the site is totally on my side. He is the only one who tells his clients that I am THE in-house designer, he is writing my consultation fees into contracts and he is specifically putting ‘design services offered’ on our website…. for the whole world to see.

Having gone through all of that, it’s clear that it would be worth-while for me to stick it out for a few more months and see what happens. So, when I get to the point where I don’t have a doctor appointment every other day, I can take another look at my position. If I am still stuck behind the desk with nothing to show for my time here, then I am gone.


P.S. I mentioned submitting my resume to a firm. The post has been up on Craigslist for about a week, I may be too late, but I am going to do it for ‘practice’. If they don’t like what they see, then fine. If they do, then I will go in for an interview (ahem… “Doctor appointment”). If they don’t like me after the interview, then fine… at least I’ve had practice interviewing, and my name is out there. If they offer me the job…. well, then….