So it's 2012, decision-making time. I refuse to let another year go to waste. But I'm having trouble figuring out where to turn next. It's like I'm standing in a room with a million doors and I can open any one I want. But they all look potentially awesome, so which one do I choose?
I have no freaking clue.
I am still in a little bit of a limbo regarding potential surgery and the potential new design job. The surgery thing is too long to go into- basically, it may or may not happen. The job prospect is a little more tangled... but then again, maybe not.
So here's the deal: The designers down the street would like for me to intern, at no pay, for an undisclosed number of months before coming on 'full time' (it's under 40 hrs/week) at the same pay-rate I am making now. If I had a sizable savings, this wouldn't be a problem. I would look at it as an investment. But I do not have a sizable savings. In fact, I could stand to make MORE money, not none at all. So, unfortunately, it's like going backwards in my financial state, but potentially forward in my career path (I say potentially forward, because as you've read in my 'Elite' blog entry, I don't know if interior design is my path anymore).
Basically I need to tell them, that I just can't afford to not get paid. I just can't. Now, that should end the conversation. Should. But I really don't know what they are going to say to that. They may argue, and try to change my mind... or they may agree to just pay me right out of the gate.
There won't be any mind-changing on this, so the only thing that would throw me is if they decide to pay me right away.
So you ask, "Why would that throw you, Pluck?"
My answer is, that it shouldn't, but I am not 100% thrilled about this job. Partly... well, mostly.. because of my unsureness about being a designer. These guys would be investing in me, assuming that I am going to stick around forever. They've told me that. So, I would be putting myself in a position where I would potentially be 'stuck' again in a job that doesn't make me happy, for fear of hurting, or upsetting someone who believed in me.
BUT, because I haven't decided on completely changing my career path quite yet, I need to get a new design job to see if that flares up my interest again.
I have a couple friends who have mentioned one designer, in particular, who owns her own firm. She is up-and-coming, been in the magazines and these friends seem to like her. I met her once, and I wasn't too thrilled with her. I was told that she is just shy and she seems rude at first, but she will warm up.
This scares the poo out of me. I get flashbacks to that psycho lady I worked for, and I don't want to go through that again. But, maybe my friends are right about her, and this would be the job that would help me decide if I stick to design or go somewhere else. But again, the flashback stabs me in the brain, because what if she makes me hate it that much more, simply because she isn't nice, works for herself and won't let me do anything?!
Do you see how this is a horrid, cyclical, confusing situation?
I know I am not doing my 'Versus' very well right now.... ugh!
Okay.
Pluck VS. Designers down the street.
I need to first make an appointment to see them and tell them that I cannot intern for free. IF they say that they will pay me right away, then I can tell them about my surgery... no future employer wants an employee who will be around for two months, then potentially gone for two months after that.
